Gym Etiquette

Ooooh, if I could I tell your momma....

I am a constant work in progress so I am at the gym often and have been at it for years now. It's a lifestyle. Some believe their momma is still going to clean up after their sweaty a$$. News flash, you're a grown up now. Clean up after yourself and be respectful of your surroundings.

1) Wipe down the machines after your set - You just up'd your personal record on that last rep. Congratulations! *Ahem* A personal record I'd like you to break is your track record for being disgusting. Please wipe your sweat off the machine for the next person. It's so gross. I don't need your bodily fluids absorbed into my CaliMuscle or Shredz tank. This means wipe down the seat, the back, the knob to select your weight and the bars. It takes two seconds and your other gym friends would appreciate it.

2) Put your toys away - Remember where you got that dumbbell, plate, ball and bar? Well guess what? It's not going to walk itself back to where you found them. Oh, you think someone else is going to use them? You mean, in the exact spot where you used them? I don't think so. Put them back where you found them. 

3) Why you gotta yell? - I don't give two hoots about how much you lift, what you thought about the last Real Housewives of wherever episode and I certainly don't care what girl is lookin' hot up in here. Well, of course, unless it's me with all my hot messness. Now shut up. Why do you gotta yell? You are two three feet away from each other. The decibels are unnecessary and I could hear you through Adriana Grande's 'Dangerous Woman.'' And its interfering with my road to sexiness. Seriously. Save it for the dive bar over a beer as you ruin what you just accomplished in the gym, Run your mouth there.

4) Laziness - So you got your a$$ out of bed and decided to hit the gym...but you also decided to park illegally on striped pavement because it's the closest 'spot' to the gym entrance. Can you be any more lazy? You're about to sweat in this gym, presumably, but you don't want to be a good citizen of this town and park where you're not supposed to just to be close to the entrance. It doesn't make sense. Park farther away and add those extra steps to your log. 

5) Don't bathe in your perfume or cologne before the gym - By all means, if you're naturally a stinker, I think we'd appreciate deodorant instead of you covering up the fact you haven't showered today with the strong scents of Victoria's Secret body sprays or the cologne bottle in your glove compartment. Want to get noticed at the gym? This will have a negative effect with making people's eyes water from the overwhelming scent. I sneeze uncontrollably when my sense is overstimulated. And not in a good way. Please don't do this, at the gym, at the office and for god's sake, not on a date. That's automatic disqualification. Less is more.

6) No staring! - There are some beautiful bods in the gym and they've worked hard to get there. Didn't your momma tell you that it's rude to stare? Yeah, I get it. Those glutes are on point but please don't make us all feel uncomfortable. Focus on you. The gym is not a place to pick up on the other sex. Mind your business before you hurt yourself. 

7) Proper attire - There are signs for some of these above but proper gym attire is requested. Extra clothing can get caught in the machines and cause injury. There's one guy at my gym that wears jeans and rather loosely. Poor thing doesn't know how to properly lift weights but kudos to him for being here every time I am. He was doing some sort of arm curls on a machine and he had his booty crack exposed. I just had to move and leave the area entirely. Please don't scare the members.

No environment is perfect but come on! I am glad to see these folks in the gym and not being part of the statistic that we are an overweight nation. These folks are actually doing something good to live a healthy lifestyle. Like me, there's always room for improvement.

I hit the gym before work and the guy that works the front desk is appreciative of me. He gets annoyed when he has to pick up after people. He sees me constantly going to the paper dispenser and use the spray bottle to wipe down my machines. "You're one of my good members," he says. That's right! 

Now what about you? Are you one of them? Or are you a good member? Don't be one of 'those' cause if I could call your momma...