Bevo Manzano - October 14, 2008 - December 18, 2018

Bevo Manzano

10/14/08 - 12/18/18

Tuesday, 12/12/18
This smiling cuteness that is @bevotheboston has been at my side loving me unconditionally for 10 years. He’s my road dog, my co-pilot, the ONLY snorer I can sleep thru, he knows my every secret, the only one who knows when I cry myself to sleep and comforts and understands me without saying a word. He puts his paw on me and gives me a hug when I’m sad saying ‘It’s ok, Mommy.” Mind you, I have had to come to grips that I would never have a child of my own. So when people say he’s just a dog, they don’t understand. He’s not JUST a dog. He’s as close to a child I may ever get so I might as well love him as hard and as long as I can. I’m his whole world. It’s the least I can do. This year has been a lot to handle with his development of separation anxiety, getting hit by a car (miraculously walking away without a scratch!), shoulder issues, ear infections, a UTI and now trembling and shaking, unable to go up and down the stairs without assistance, falling, walking and pacing in circles like a gold fish and not wanting to play with his toys. The fact that the latest symptoms developed in just the last few weeks seems like things are happening very rapidly. It wasn’t until the doctor called last night for an update and recommended that we see a neurologist as the meds he is on have not helped the trembling and his mobility. A consultation has been scheduled for Thursday in Campbell. A loved one will be joining me as I have been a complete wreck. I can’t do that appointment alone. I’m housesitting with him in Santa Cruz and normally I’d be out and about exploring. Instead, all I want to do is be with my Puppy Love and make sure he has the best life and I’m not leaving him when he doesn’t feel good. Thank you to those that have reached out and commented. Your support and positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated. Fingers crossed for some positive news come Thursday.

Sitting like the King of my Heart in Santa Cruz, California
December 13, 2018

Saturday, 12/15/18
10:58 PM
This smiling cuteness has been at my side loving me unconditionally for 10 years. He’s my road dog, my co-pilot, the ONLY snorer I can sleep thru, he knows my every secret, the only one who knows when I cry myself to sleep and comforts and understands me without saying a word. He puts his paw on me and gives me a hug when I’m sad saying ‘It’s ok, Mommy.” Mind you, I have had to come to grips that I would never have a child of my own. So when people say he’s just a dog, they don’t understand. He’s not JUST a dog. He’s as close to a child I may ever get so I might as well love him as hard and as long as I can. I’m his whole world. It’s the least I can do. This year has been a lot to handle with his development of separation anxiety, getting hit by a car (miraculously walking away without a scratch!), shoulder issues, injuring himself getting past his baby gate, ear infections, a UTI and now trembling and shaking, unable to go up and down the stairs without assistance, falling, walking and pacing in circles like a gold fish and not wanting to play with his toys. The fact that the latest symptoms developed in just the last few weeks seems like things are happening very rapidly. The doctor called last night for an update and recommended that we see a neurologist as the meds he is on have not helped the trembling and his mobility. A consultation has been scheduled for Thursday in Campbell. A loved one will be joining me as I have been a complete wreck. I can’t do that appointment alone. I’m housesitting with him in Santa Cruz and normally I’d be out and about exploring. Instead, all I want to do is be with my Puppy Love and make sure he has the best life and know I’m not leaving him when he doesn’t feel good. Thank you to those that have reached out and commented. Your support and positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated. Fingers crossed for some positive news come this Thursday.

The day I decided to call the doc and see what's going on with my Baby's shakes and drunken walks.
December 6, 2018 

Socks from Kim. They're perfect and will be worn during my half marathon at Walt Disney World on January 12, 2019. He will be with me.

My iPhone wallpaper. Love his smile.

Catching up with Stan at Tower Grill in Danville, California.

Visiting Lola. She said, 'Let him run around!'

Princess sighting.

Big truck, little dog

Selfie

My goofy love

In Santa Cruz and always at my side. After he passed, I returned to my spot on the couch a couple of days later and I could have sworn he snored under my feet like he was there again. 

Bevo update:

Monday, 12/17/18
6 pm
After Kim found him Superman’d out on the bathroom floor and looking like he was unable to move, blood on the floor, broken water bowl too, crunchy fur from excessive drooling they say from stress. Thankfully I had just pulled into the garage when she called. We took him to Sage emergency in Dublin. CJ, the BF (details given another time), met us there. We waited for 3.5 hours to be seen and the doc said it could be a brain tumor or inflammation in the brain. I had already scheduled a neurologist appointment for Thursday morning but the doc said it’d be best to go now. I took him down to Sage Campbell, crying uncontrollably, apologizing for leaving him alone today and that I loved him so much. In Campbell, I got another opinion from another doctor that it could be a brain issue. He was drooling, he couldn’t stand up, he keeps knuckling his left foot unable to walk, paces in circles to the right if he does get up...it broke my heart. In order to be seen right away by the neurologist, he has to stay overnight and they would give him a Valium and some fluids. I carried him like a baby, heart to heart, kept him close to me til it was time for him to go in the back. I painfully had to consider options and sign resuscitation paperwork as the fluids could put more pressure on his brain and he possibly wouldn’t make it thru the night. I had to hand him over to the the vet tech and the memory of him being carried away from me can make me shake. I couldn’t turn the ignition key bc I didn’t want to leave him. Christy recommended leaving the sweater I was wearing so he could smell me and hopefully not feel alone. I went back in and they delivered it to his kennel. I eventually made it back to the house in Santa Cruz where I’m housesitting and snuggled with one of his toys CJ got him for his recent 10th birthday. It was 1:30 am.

Heart to heart with my Heart.

My first night without Bevo as he had to stay over at Sage. I only had his alligator to hold on to.

Tuesday, 12/18

7 am
Woke up sad and to the neurologist saying she observed Bevo and recommended an MRI to see what was going on with my baby, possible diagnoses and next steps. We proceeded with the MRI. I needed to know exactly what was wrong with my fur-child and what would be the next best course of action. Christy recommended I don’t wait for the call of the results but be at the ER waiting so I don’t get a call but get the news in person. I also wanted to see him if they would let me. I left immediately. Thankfully Christy met me there just in time for the results.

My Bevo definitely has a brain tumor - glioma. Devastated. It looked massive on screen and I was even more heartbroken. He could maybe have a year with radiation treatments or a few months on meds. He’s not in pain she says, just a little dazed and frustrated why he’s not functioning right. I decided to go with the meds route and I am monitoring him to see if there is any improvement as the doc says it could take 3-7 days. My biggest fear is that he has a seizure and passes alone. I was so scared to what I was going to come home to after going to work yesterday. I was not myself, very concerned and almost every coworker asked if I was ok.

We’re home and sadly, I honestly don’t think we have that much time. He’s not doing well and it’s scaring the shit out of me. So I am home thru tomorrow, 12/20 morning and will be in Santa Cruz until Christmas Eve. Please come by and give my Bevo some love. If you want to meet in Santa Cruz, I plan on taking him to the beach and spoiling him with whatever he wants to eat...

Coming home from Sage.

My Baby's last photo. :(

9pm

As I drafted that last paragraph, Bevo finally relaxed after drinking some water I had to hold up to his mouth for, he circled and fumbled, didn’t want any cookies but did eat some shredded cheese. My baby looooved cheese. He continued to drool and I would catch it with a towel.

He finally laid down and closed his eyes. I grabbed my pillow and my brown blanket I had since childhood and laid down next to him near the dining room and stroked his head telling him I loved him. His breathing started to be sporadic. I had a flashback to yesterday morning at 3 am when it seemed like he stopped breathing as he let me cuddle him (which he NEVER let’s me do at bedtime) and it seemed like he stopped breathing for 8 counts until I said his name loud in fear. He would breath again. This time, on our new carpet, his breathing lightened again, his front legs were in a tight stretched and stiff position. I tried to get a reaction out of him and nothing. I put my head on the left side of his rib cage as he was laying on his right and there was still a faint heartbeat. I loved on him a little more, kissing his head, saying his name, telling him I loved him and then he was gone. No more heartbeat, no life behind his half blue eye. It was just after 3 pm.

I went to the vet but held his heavy, lifeless 26-lb body until his warmth was gone. I couldn’t let go. I’ve loved him so long, I can’t. My Bevo is gone. My adorable, sweet, funny, energetic, loving, social butterfly, snore-master, fart monster, Bevo Butt, Bugga, Bevokins, Puppy Love, #BevoTheBoston@bevotheboston My Baby is now resting. Christy said he held on and waited for me to return, til we got home to pass with me and he didn’t want me to make the hard decision. I believe he did wait for me. Thank you, my Bevo Love. I didn’t want you feel any pain, to suffer or to pass alone and without me. I’m glad you went knowing how much I love you. I think he had an amazing life with love, spoiling, travels and adventures. And so much food from the table! So spoiled.

A part of me is gone. The house is not the same. Tonight, I remained on the floor where you took your last breath, trying to be close to you. I wanted to call out your name to come to me and interrupt whatever kind of trouble you were getting into the other room, but then I remembered you were in doggie heaven. You wouldn’t answer. I am a complete wreck without you. Going to sleep without you snoring at my side is a new norm I don’t want. Mommy’s sad. You were an amazing Christmas present we brought home exactly 10 years and 2 weeks ago. Thank you for making the previous years’ holidays not so lonely, and enduring posing for what was going to be our holiday card photo this year. You looked extra adorable!

Thank you, Kim, for being an amazing roommate and taking care and loving Bevo as if he was your own. We were lucky you came into our lives.
Thank you, Christy, for being there for me when I received the worst confirmed news of my life about the closest thing I have to a child. This woman never sleeps, takes care of her two kids and protects your community and strangers but managed to come down to spend an hour with me with a coffee and food in hand.
Thank you, CJ, for being there when I needed you most, holding and loving me and taking Bevo and I to his last trip to the beach, his favorite! Just like Mommy.
Thank you, Nelly, for working with me thru some thought processes, reminding me I also need to take care of me too and sharing your experiences with your pups.
Thank you, Sister, for picking up during your busy day and being on the other side of the country, calming me down and advising to take it one step at a time.
Thank you, Catareenie, for coming by tonight for dinner and taking care of Bevo. You’ve known him since he was a puppy!
Thank you, TNT, for taking such amazing care of him when I traveled and loving him like he was your own, even though Princess the cat wasn’t thrilled. I’ll never forget the pics of him at a bar with you and Tim taking him to work. I’m sure your Boyfriend is bummed he didn’t get to kiss you goodbye.

Thank you, Everyone, for your comments and texts and concerns and friendship. Sooo many of you have met my Bevo at least once thru the years. I was planning on having you all come to the house to come say hi and give Bevo love as I have received so much concern. I wanted to have Bevo personally feel the love too. With his passing, we will have a celebration gathering at the house at some point soon. I hope you can make it.

If you have a memory or photo of him with you, please post it in the comments below. It would make me smile to know he touched your life as well.

Such a happy puppy.

12/26/18
Christmas was terrible. My beloved Bevo @bevotheboston passed away at home in my arms on Tuesday, Dec. 18th, one week before Christmas. We just confirmed he had a brain tumor that morning but he was already in bad shape. He declined rapidly in only a couple of two weeks. Devastated, heartbroken and depressed, it’s been a rough week of mourning. Still unable to go a day without crying, friends say I gave him a good life, he loved me and he wouldn’t want me to be sad. I plan to keep his IG account open, keep his memory alive and do what I can for dogs to have their chance at a good life too. I am also waiting for #volunteer info fr @wonderdogrescue As for now, I’m going to try to pick my life back up, make my Bevo proud of me and live like he would also be reaping its benefits - he was spoiled and a very well-traveled dog. So as I couldn’t sleep all night and 2018 is coming to a close, I decided I’m done settling and just getting by. In 2019 - I will start a new job, complete my first half marathon, travel as much as I can, still go after that Goal By 40 of property on Maui, have a goal of returning to 18% body fat and take care of myself: physically, mentally and emotionally. No more settling. I miss you so much, Bevo. Mommy’s gonna kill it in 2019. I wish you were here to give me love, hugs and kisses every day when I got home.

Celebrating his 10th birthday doing the Belmont Water Dog Run.

His last trip to the beach. CJ took us to Monterey/Pacific Grove. October 2018.

He loooooved selfies with Mommy. Not really.

My little baby with a big trunk - Fort Bragg, California
February 2018

I took him wine tasting as often as possible. Clif Winery, St. Helena, California
February 2018

Classy puppy at the Sir Francis Drake Hotel with his own bed. San Francisco, California.
February 2018

Griffith Park, Los Angeles, California
March 2018

Griffith Park Observatory, Los Angeles, CA
March 2018

Sooo Hollywood. Los Angeles, California
March 2018

I love his expressions. "She has ears but where are MINE!?!?"

"What do you mean you're not staying home on your day off???"

Clos Pegase Winery, Calistoga, California
May 2018

"I MET SANTA!" My Christmas card 2009

Christmas 2009. He was the only thing good I got from the ex-husband. Bevo was worth it.

Bevo Manzano

10/14/08 - 12/18/18